Searching for the feeling of getting lost

Last night before I leave for Amsterdam

Suddenly excited, and depressed too.

Recently my feelings just spontaneously come up, happiness mixed with sadness,

and there’s no way to tell them apart clearly.

I don’t know. Maybe because of some city, or someone…

Will be back to Shanghai soon. From what I can recall, there’s no memory of Shanghai in me, which is good.

Every 2am, I am by myself, searching on the internet, for something, and for nothing.

Today it might be different, but how different can it be?

Listening to old songs, as always.

Talking nonsense, as always…

 

6 hours till departure

and

Good morning Amsterdam…

嚮往

最近發生了很多事情，忙得不亦樂乎

Jack和Jessica走了，走的時候留下了一句讓我感動很久的話，說在基督耶穌里，我就像他們的孩子一樣。很捨不得，很無奈。幸運的是我們在主裡面認識了，真的是一種Blessing。

在韓國教會裡面信心不斷增長，下週一就將人生中第一次露營，而且是去西歐。興奮，也有緊張。一路上靠著神的恩典，甚麼都經歷了，甚麼都感恩了。

工作上也及時的出現了一次好機會，希望能夠把握住。

有捨不得，也有嚮往，一直在考慮是否要把博客搬到新浪上去，因為Wordpress終究有點寂寞，可是轉念一想，博客只有關心自己的人才會看，也很好，很清靜。

幾個好朋友還在打拼，大家加油了！爸爸媽媽也說要來英國，挺期待，看主怎麼恩典了。

Recent Happenings

So many things happened recently. Gary Neville and Scholes retired. Man Utd lost to Barcelona. But am very happy to see they fought to the last minute. Beckham wearing No. 7 for Man Utd again.

I’ve been through a difficult time, emotionally and physically. But am honoured that God’s never given up consoling me by the holy spirit. Really easily upset recently, hopefully it will change.

Got a thousand words to say, but when I’m about to say it, the words just doesn’t want to come out.

愛上白色

最近發現身邊白色的東西越來越多，EP1，衣服，鞋，背包。基本上能搞到白色都是白色了。

可能是喜歡上簡單，喜歡簡單的設計，簡單的條紋。

献给80后

80后，一个因90后才兴起的词汇。没有上一代那种青葱的幻想，也没有下一代那种无视一切的洒脱。夹在中间的一代，却有着太多的回忆，有着太多的感动。

记得那时市政府广场还没有树立起那个代表现代的雕塑，却有一位女神。也还记得那是个学习雷锋的年代。那个年代有有轨电车，道路并不算宽，但是两旁的大树一到夏天撑起一篇树荫，有漫步的心情，也有哼唱着久远的小调的感觉。那是一个捉迷藏的时代，电子游戏是一个陌生的名词。而我们也不知道什么叫假牛奶。人们有私心，但是也有最起码的道德底线。

80后的我们，经历了太多故事，《圣斗士》，《灌篮高手》，这些上一代认为幼稚，下一代觉得不屑的东西，正是我们最最珍惜的回忆，也正是我们80后灵魂的写照。

我们是理想的一代。我们是宠坏的一代。但是我们也懂得什么叫坚强。没有下乡再折磨，但是我们却有着同在一起经历社会飞速变迁的经历。我们没有兄弟姐妹，但是正因为我们从那个物质并不是十分丰富的年代，那个没有QQ，没有微博的年代走过，我们更加珍惜身边的人。

前几天看了纵贯线演唱会的视频，突然很喜欢罗大佑。那些二三十年前的歌曲奇妙的在心里面产生了共鸣。也许因为那是个美好的年代，那是个顶着毒辣的阳光在外面踢球的年代，那是个手里攥着一块钱却觉得自己无比富有的年代，那是个阳光灰白，心里面却有无比彩色的另一个世界的年代。

被现代科技所环绕着，但是近几年最难忘的却是跟几个兄弟在一家破旧的旅馆里玩飞行棋玩到早上。本来我们有4个床位，却宁愿舍弃一个，为的就是大家在一起。对了，那就是80后的友情。

虽然儿时不曾经历高科技，不曾经历这么丰富的物质生活。但是我很庆幸出生在了80年代。一个有血有肉的年代，一个中国人虽然有点冒进，但是却充满灵魂的年代。一个校园里充满朗朗书声的年代，一个军训时喊破嗓子，不为表扬，就为了争口气，证明自己的年代。

在那个年代里，没有兄弟姐妹，却有友情；有着娇生惯养，却也懂得跌倒了要也要自己怕起来；没有生活上的担忧，却也懂得要坚强。

过去的影像已不是那么的明显，只记得，广场上那个高高的雕塑，名叫奉献。

Patience

Got a strong message from my Lord yesterday, telling me to be patient. And a strong message today: There are so few truth in this world, that when you see it, you know it. Although everything is still so far away, but I believe I’ve seen it.

Based on what I’ve been through in the past month, I’m comforted by the fact that Lord is always with me, just like my parents, 不离不弃.

Everyday when I get off work, I began to enjoy the wind, altho a little cold, but it feels like it can penetrate me and dig my deepest feeling out, which is petrifying, but kinda nice. I keep on praying to God everyday, for confession, for salvation, for acceptance.

God has given me confidence and sincerity everyday, and strength as well, so that I can pray, I can still keep my faith, in the people. Now I mark every week as a new step. Just pray that God be with me, and guide me through this all.

Sunshine, afternoon, me

A beautiful Wednesday afternoon. Got refreshed, recharged.

Suddenly I began to cherish this little moment with myself, probably because I deal with people all day long everyday. The sun light is fearlessly running outside, and my room is in a perfect angle where I can just escape all of it.

A little serenity, I don’t really think about anything right now. Just photos, massive amount of photos in iPhoto, playing the slideshows. And of course, music.

A little quality time with me…

Beautiful Evening

Very nice weather tonight. Walking in the streets in a big city, people are walking by. Cars, lights and the 20C wind. Everything seems just so familiar, familiar as home.
The last time I walk in the summer night back home was 3 years ago. Man, such a long time ago. It’s not that I like evenings, but there’s just a magical feeling triggered by metropolitan evening winds.
And when I got back to Oxford, everything started to change, everything started to cool down, presenting a special kind of peace and quiet, a kind of peace and quiet that has hosted me for 5 years, and a bit more.
Beautiful

Big Moth in my Kitchen!!!

After so many years, I’m still afraid of moths, like they have some kind of aura that will turn me away and drive me run like crazy…

What is that…. probably some genetic thing…

And yeah, spring has come, lots of bees and wasps… nice…

有点雷到了。。。

今天教会聚会有点被一个人的发言搞得莫名其妙。她在追忆自己的朋友，我认为很好，证明是个有感情的人。但是后来她说不相信那个朋友的生命如此脆弱，因为那个朋友的生命线有两条。。。然后又说生命实在太无常，太多变化了，所以生命根本没有什么意义（重点不是说生命有意义，而是这推出结论的前提让我。。。）。

这两个说法真是令我百思不得其解。。。不想了。。。她是学艺术的，可能是跟我们这些学理科的有点思维上的差别吧。。。

让我最雷到的还是日本灾难之后中日两国人民的反映。

日本的黑社会开始出来捐款赈灾了。日本的超市开放，免费供应食物。可是日本人却不愿意拿，继续排队付款买东西。躲避地震的广场人员撤离之后，没有一点垃圾。一个国际大公司把自己在伦敦的旗舰店免费开放当作避难所，提供免费电话，网络和食物。。。也就是日本，在这种灾难之中还能这么有序。

相比之下，中国国内幸灾乐祸的，发动群众抵制捐款的，还有更搞笑的就是抢盐的。幸灾乐祸，抵制捐款，我起码还看你追念他们祖宗之前侵略我们的关系，起码是对外的。（虽然我们以前也没少侵略周边国家，还是一样厚脸皮拿捐款）

你们这帮抢盐的连自己同胞都不顾了，自己活下去，哪管别的地方洪水滔天，民不聊生。别人吃不上盐跟我有何干，我也不管我需不需要那么多，我就是要保证自己充足，宁可浪费扔掉，也不能便宜了别人让别人买到。

非常好！